How Many Therapy Sessions Before You Know It’s a Good Fit?
It’s completely fair and valid to wonder: “How do I know if my therapist is a good fit, and how long should I wait before deciding to switch therapists?” Let’s be real — just because someone is trained in counseling or therapy doesn’t mean they’re the right fit for every client. One of the most important factors in therapy outcomes is the relationship the client has with their therapist.
In this post, we’ll explore how many sessions you might want to give a therapist before deciding if they’re a good fit, signs that a therapist may not be the right match for you, and how to communicate with your therapist if you decide it’s time to switch.
Why the First Session Isn’t Always Enough
The first session can give you a first impression of a therapist. But it often focuses on paperwork, consent forms, background information, and setting goals. It can feel very different from regular sessions. The structure is usually not reflective of future sessions.
First sessions can also feel a little awkward. You are meeting a stranger for the first time, and there’s no relationship yet. You may not have enough information to know if this therapist is the right fit. Think of it like dating — you’re just starting to get to know each other.
That said, sometimes there are clear signs a therapist isn’t a good fit. Maybe they aren’t listening, don’t seem present, or their approach makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. In these cases, one session may be enough to know. For most situations, it’s hard to judge a therapist after just one session.
The “Three Session Rule” (Common Guideline)
Many clinicians, including myself, recommend 3–4 therapy sessions before deciding if a therapist is a good fit. This gives time to complete paperwork and review policies. It also allows you to start exploring goal-setting approaches.
A few sessions help you build comfort and trust. You can see if you like the therapist’s style and if they can support your goals.
Signs It Might Be a Good Fit
Everyone has unique needs in therapy and may be looking for different things when working with a therapist. Here are some general factors to consider when deciding if your therapist is a good fit:
You feel listened to and that your therapist understands your perspective.
You are comfortable being yourself, or you are starting to feel more at ease in sessions.
You are beginning to notice gradual shifts in your perspective.
The therapist meets you where you are, especially when explaining mental health concepts.
You feel that therapy will be helpful and that the therapist can support you in achieving your goals.
Signs It Might Not Be a Good Fit
Often, we have a subtle feeling that a therapist is not a good fit. If you want to reflect further before deciding whether to continue therapy, here are some signs your therapist might not be the right clinician for you:
Your therapist talks more than you do, or shares inappropriate information about themselves too often.
You feel judged or dismissed.
You don’t feel safe or respected.
You feel misunderstood or confused during sessions.
Your values and identities don’t feel respected.
How to Handle Switching Therapists
So, its been 3-4 sessions and you are feeling quite sure this is not a good therapist fit for you. But how do we go about switching thearpoists? First, it would involve communciating a need to end sessions with your current therapist.
Telling Your Therapist You Might Want to Switch
There are several ways you can let your therapist know that you might want to end sessions and look for another therapist. You can:
Talk about it with them during a session.
Send a text, email, or message.
It really depends on what you’re comfortable with, but I highly recommend not ghosting your therapist. First, it can prevent unexpected late cancellation or no-show fees if you have future appointments scheduled. Second, communicating the end of the relationship can be a valuable experience in expressing your needs and wants in a collaborative space.
That being said, depending on your comfort and safety level with the clinician, I understand that in some circumstances, ghosting might feel like the safest option.
Script Ideas for Ending Therapy Respectfully
Sometimes it can be helpful to identify what you want to say and set boundaries when ending therapy with a therapist. Your boundaries might be as simple as letting them know you want to end therapy and cancel all future appointments. You do not have to share any additional information if you don’t want to.
Alternatively, you can include a brief explanation of why this therapist may not be the right fit. Below is a script you can use for this conversation — either send it as a message or adapt it to say during a session:
Sample Script:
Hi [Therapist’s Name],
I have been reflecting on our therapy experience so far, and I don’t think this is the best fit for me. I wanted to let you know that I would like to end our therapy and will be looking for another therapist who may be a better fit for me. [Optional: You can insert why this isn’t a good fit for you here] I appreciate the time you have spent with me.
Thank you,
[Your Name]
The therapist may respond by thanking you for letting them know and confirming that all future appointments have been canceled. They may also offer referrals if you would like them.
If you are discussing this face-to-face during a session, they might ask for feedback on your experience. Providing feedback is completely optional, but it can be a helpful experience for both you and the therapist.
Find Your Therapy Fit with Create Wellness Counseling
If you are wondering whether Create Wellness Counseling is a good therapy fit for you, check out our About page and Services section to learn more about Courtney as a clinician and her approach to therapy. Create Wellness Counseling provides individual therapy virtually for adults in Michigan.
