How to Stop Ghosting Your Therapist (and What to Do Instead)
Feeling the urge to ghost your therapist is more common than you might think. Maybe you’re feeling burnt out and need a break from therapy but aren’t sure how to bring it up. Or maybe you’ve realized your therapist isn’t the right fit, and you don’t know how to start that conversation. Sometimes, the urge to disappear comes from feeling overwhelmed or not ready to dive into certain topics.
Ghosting your therapist might look like skipping a session and never rescheduling, or leaving their emails and messages unread. You’re definitely not the first person to do it, and your therapist has probably seen it before. But staying in that “ghosting phase” can leave you stuck and disconnected from your mental health goals. Talking about what’s coming up for you, even if it’s uncomfortable, can help you move forward instead of staying stuck.
Why People Ghost Their Therapist
People ghost their therapist for many different reasons. Some of the most common ones I hear include:
Not having enough time for therapy
Feeling uncomfortable after a difficult session
Financial stress or changes in insurance
Avoiding a particular topic or concern
Feeling like therapy hasn’t been helpful or the therapist isn’t the right fit
Avoidance is a very normal coping strategy, especially when it comes to uncomfortable conversations. But in the long run, it usually keeps you feeling stuck. You might worry about how your therapist will react if you say you need a break or want to end therapy.
The truth is, your therapist’s job is to support you, not guilt you. A good therapist will respect your boundaries and understand if you need time, space, or a change in your therapy journey.
What Happens When You Disappear
Ghosting your therapist without a plan can slow your progress. It may feel easier in the moment, but avoidance often leads to getting stuck or losing momentum. It might also result in you feeling guilt or shame when you think about restarting therapy later.
Talking with your therapist about the urge to ghost can help. It’s a chance to practice communication and create a plan for taking a break or transition in your mental health care.
Signs You’re About To Ghost
There are often subtle signs that you might be feeling the urge to ghost your therapist. Keep an eye out for the following:
You keep canceling or rescheduling sessions
You’ve missed multiple appointments in a short period
You avoid scheduling your next session
You feel dread when you see appointment reminders or messages from your therapist
Noticing these signs early can help you process your feelings and decide on a healthy way to pause or end therapy. Addressing your needs openly allows you to stay in control of your mental health journey, instead of staying stuck in avoidance.
How to Handle It Instead
This is a great opportunity to practice assertive communication. Be honest, even if it feels uncomfortable — your therapist is trained to hold space for difficult conversations. Below are some ideas for starting the conversation in session or via email/text. (NOTE: If you’re not ready to talk about it in person, it is completely okay to reach out to your therapist about this via text/email).
If You’re Avoiding a Particular Topic
In session, you could say:
“I don’t think I’m ready to tackle this yet.”
“Can we focus on something else for a while?”
Via text or email:
Hi [Therapist’s Name], I’ve been thinking about my goals in therapy and would like to revisit them. Can we talk more about this at our next appointment?”
Hey [Therapist’s Name], I have realize I want to switch gears in therapy and may not want to focus on [XYZ topic] right now. Can we discuss a new focus at our next session?”
If You’re Wanting to Pause or End Therapy
In session, you could say:
“I think I need a break from therapy, I was wondering if we could stop our sessions. I appreciate our work together and will reach out when/if I want to start therapy sessions again. What if we planned for [date] to be our last session?.”
“I want to talk about stopping sessions. I’ve appreciated our time together, but I think [XYZ type of therapy] might be a better fit for me right now.”
Via text or email:
Hi [Therapist’s Name], I want to pause/end our sessions for the time being. I appreciate the time we’ve spent working together and will reach out if I decide to re-engage in therapy. Thank you for your support!”
Hi [Therapist’s Name], I’d like to cancel any future appointments. Thank you for your support thus far!”
Key Takeaways
You can avoid ghosting without giving a long explanation or going into detail about why you need space. It’s okay to:
Take a break and get healthy closure in your therapeutic relationship
Reflect on whether you want to continue with the same therapist or try a different approach
Recognize that you might have gotten what you needed from this therapist and are looking for a different style, energy, or focus
Being honest, even briefly, helps you take control of your mental health journey instead of staying stuck in avoidance.
How Therapists Actually Feel When You Ghost
Therapists don’t hate clients who ghost them. Most of the time, they worry about you instead. When a client disappears, we wonder if you’re okay or if something happened. Your therapist isn’t upset or taking it personally. They just don’t have context for what’s going on. Most therapists care more about your safety and well-being than whether you ghosted them.
They want you to have a healthy transition — whether that means taking a break, finding new support, or reconnecting later. It’s completely normal to need space from therapy. A good therapist will want you to have closure and to keep caring for your mental health, even outside of sessions.
How to Reconnect After You’ve Ghosted
So, maybe you did ghost your last therapist — but you want to restart therapy with them. That’s completely okay. You might feel nervous reaching out, but it’s never too late to reconnect.
Clients can contact therapists they’ve ghosted months or even years later. Therapists are used to it, and most are genuinely glad to hear from you. Below are a few examples of what you can say when reaching out to reconnect:
“Hey [Therapist’s Name], I dropped off for a bit and would like to talk about starting sessions again. Do you have any availability?”
“Hi [Therapist’s Name], I hope you’re doing well! I know it’s been a while, but I’d like to get regular therapy appointments back on your calendar if you have availability.”
“Hey [Therapist’s Name], it’s been a little bit, but I was hoping to schedule an appointment and get back into therapy. Please let me know what openings you have in the next few weeks.”
Your therapist won’t judge or shame you for ghosting. If they do, that’s a sign it may be time to find a new therapist who’s a better fit. Just keep in mind that your therapist’s schedule or availability may have changed since you last met.
Ready to Start Fresh with a New Therapist? Let’s Talk.
If you’ve ghosted your therapist before, you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean you failed at therapy. It just means something wasn’t clicking at the time. When you’re ready to try again, finding the right fit can make all the difference.
I offer virtual therapy for adults across Michigan who want to feel more grounded, confident, and connected. If you’re ready to reconnect with your mental health and start fresh, I’d love to help. Complete my contact form to schedule a free consultation or your first session.
